modern_blonde

so i'm 22. i already like it more than being 21.

i only need to complete 13 credits to graduate next semester (as opposed to the traditional 16). i tool 17 credits spring of freshman year, and i am currently taking 18. here's my class schedule for next semester:

Monday
1:15-2:30 jazz (2 credits)
2:45-4:00 ballet (2 credits)

TUESDAY
9:00-9:50 yoga (1 credit)
1:15-2:30 poetry of the post-modern era (4 credits)
2:45-4:00 virginia woolf and george eliot senior seminar (4 credits)

WEDNESDAY
1:15-2:30 jazz (2 credits)
2:45-4:00 ballet (2 credits)

THURSDAY
9:00-9:50 yoga (1 credit)
1:15-2:30 poetry of the post-modern era (4 credits)
2:45-4:00 virginia woolf and george eliot senior seminar (4 credits)

i can't believe i'm getting away with this.
after this semester i'm going to need it.

i'm taking:
300-level medieval poetry
300-level west african lit and film
200-level american studies (politics and culture 1917-present)
200-level art history (modern art)
100-level ballet (2 credits)

i'm also:
a manager of the phonathon
a contributor to the College Voice (school newspaper)
soprano in Vox (a cappella)

i'm always writing or reading, which is wonderful.
i've decided i want to go to the steinhardt school at nyu for grad school an get my masters in theory of art in visual culture. nyu is closely affiliated with the american university of paris, and i would love to study there for a semester. i've had a burning desire to go back to europe recently, especially paris, which i've never been to.

i guess i have to get through college first...

i've gotten into 3 of the 4 classes i want for this semester. 1 200-level english class on 19th and 20th century american lit, 1 300-level english class on romantic transgression, and 1 200-level sociology class on deviancy. now i just need to work my way into the 200-level dance class that i want when classes start in 12 days.

but first, i must finish these papers! i'm finishing this dickens' paper by midnight. i must! then i have to write one for london in the 18th century by monday AND THEN I'M FINALLY DONE.

won't stop cause i can't stop.

i'm seeing my best friend in a few hours for the first time in over three months.
most of me really doesn't want her to worry, but part of me hopes she notices something.
is that really what this is all about? being noticed?
god, i hope not.
i like to think i'm a little deeper than that, personality-wise.

need to get my ass out of the house. some activity will make me feel better about myself.

i'm home.
i still have three papers to write.
i'm dehydrated and sleep deprived, but oh-so relieved.
i can now focus on my work and myself the way that i want and need.
there really is no place like home.

i desperately want to go home.
i am terrified of going home.
i do not want to be here.
i want to stay.

i am stuck.

i have absolutely no motivation to do my work.
this is what i was afraid of.
oh! i just thought of something!
when i'm done with my work, i can go home.
right. time to go write about eliot, nietzsche, joyce, pound...

also, i must remember that just because i'm sitting at my desk, doesn't mean i should be eating.
i think it's one of the reasons i dread sitting here and working.
i gained a shit ton of weight over midterms from just sitting on my ass and writing all day.

new rule: if i'm working, i can't eat.

here goes everything...

i have a lot of work and yet, i'm not that nervous about it. perhaps because i have so much to think about instead. i can't wait to go home.

i realized i haven't been on a scale in almost three months. it's been on my mind a lot recently. maybe because i will have access to one so soon.

11 days and counting...